


There's (not) Always Me

by virtuevirtuee



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: 2018 drama, Angst, F/M, I Don't Even Know, im sorry????, we like drama in this household, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 09:17:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17097827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virtuevirtuee/pseuds/virtuevirtuee
Summary: “She thinks about all the times this song has come into her life"orThe Elvis Presley inspired fic that LITERALLY no one asked for





	There's (not) Always Me

**Author's Note:**

> So I did a thing...  
> I wasn't ever planning on writing again. But I heard this song, and some amazing people had been so kind in supporting my last piece of writing, so I thought... why the hell not???? I don't know if any of y'all will like this? or maybe it's complete trash (probably is) and I'm just delusional af.  
> if you do happen to read this mess please feel free to leave a kudos and comment because I REALLY wanna know what y'all think.  
> I also don't have a beta, so let me know if you find any mistakes because there's only so many times I can reread this before I throw my laptop out the window...
> 
> Special thanks to Apple's Group FaceTime commercial, Elvis Presley himself, and our favourite platonic business partners who inspired this crap... 
> 
> Don't say I didn't warn you...

Tessa is exhausted.

 

And no, not physically like all of her fans assume she is. Although, with the amount of work that has overtaken her life this past year, it is starting to feel like she had been training for two Olympics this year, rather than one. Her life has been a whirlwind since PyeongChang. With all her sponsorships, speaking arrangements, charity work, and touring, she hasn’t had much opportunity to catch her breath.

 

But that is not why she wants to crawl into bed and ignore the rest of the world for the not-so-foreseeable future. Oh no… her never ending fatigue, as always, is a result of her one and only skating partner, Scott freaking Moir.

 

They’re currently at an event (she actually can’t remember which one exactly because they are all starting to blend in her mind), and for some reason she can’t figure out, he’s brought a date with him. And not just anyone, but rather, his first skating partner, Jackie. OH, THE IRONY!

 

The energy between Scott and Tessa has been strange all evening. And it’s not a result of envy or regret from either party, but it’s as if they’ve forgotten how to communicate with one another. They walk the red carpet together, but don’t make any meaningful eye contact, and both of them don’t appear to be in any mood to come up with cheesy jokes under their breath. Rather, they stand like statues in a variety of poses, and the smiles on their faces don’t quite reach their eyes.

 

Contrary to popular belief, she’s not in love with him. But for some reason, every time one of them gets involved in a relationship (read: every time Scott gets a new girlfriend), they forget how to “be them.” She doesn’t want to over step with another girl around (she knows they can get super clingy and territorial), but Scott doesn’t do anything to help the situation.

 

Rather, he ignores her. He acts as if his friendship with Tessa is as meaningful to him as some stranger crossing the street. She doesn’t understand why he always works tooth and nail to separate his romantic life from his “professional life” (because let’s be real, their partnership is anything BUT professional). But nonetheless he does it, and it hurts her.

 

It hurts because she thought she meant more to him. It hurts because once there’s a new girl in his life, he acts like their relationship is superficial and meaningless. It hurts because when there is someone new, he acts like he doesn’t love her.

 

And this is how she finds herself, sipping champagne in a corner of a large event hall, watching Scott with his arms hanging low on Jackie’s waist on the dance floor, whispering sweet nothings into her ear. She also can’t help but notice his eyes look glassed over. And she has to be honest she hasn’t been paying attention to how much he’s been drinking tonight, but he definitely doesn’t look sober. She can’t help but not care that much when looking at him.

 

This is not to say she doesn’t care about him. But she’s been dealing with all his mess for so long, and she doesn’t know how much more she can deal with it.

 

She won’t ignore the times he was there for her, and there were a lot. He was an meaningful presence during her second surgery, and he was the person who kept her most grounded during her parent’s divorce. She’s grateful for these moments.

 

And while she’s thinking about their time together, she can’t help acknowledging the familiar tune projecting through the speakers of the event hall. The soothing strings of the violin and cello that sing loudly around the room. She looks up at Scott, who is still occupied with Jackie’s neck.

 

She thinks about all the times this song has come into her life.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_2008 - When the evening shadow falls…_

They’re in her car outside the rink.

 

They’ve been back training together for three months. And to say that it’s been difficult is the understatement of the century.

 

She doesn’t know where it all went wrong. All she knows is that, 5 months ago, before her surgery, there were whispered confessions and heavy promises of a future of love and commitment (she should’ve known that that conversation was vague). After that? Silence. Sadness. Anger. Betrayal. Tessa doesn’t think she can come up with enough words to culminate the emotions she felt for those 2 months. He got back with his girlfriend, posted photos on Facebook of the good times he was having with all their friends at parties back in Michigan, and most hurtfully, he doesn’t call her. He doesn’t reach out, doesn’t even attempt a text. Cold silence from the man she thought she loved.

 

And now that she’s back? They are strangers. There is hurt and confusion and neither one of them knows how to fix it. As a result, their skating suffered. The magic of Virtue and Moir seemed to dissipate. The connection that made them… well “them,” was virtually gone. So this is how Marina came up with the BRILLIANT idea that they should go to couples therapy. Oh, how lovely.

 

This is why they are parked outside Arctic Edge, with the music turned low and the heat blasting. They thought it would be economical to carpool to their counselling session from practice, and she just said she would drop him off back at the rink to his car after their session.

 

She can’t fathom why they thought this was a good idea. Because now, they’re both sitting in silence, after a gruelling session of yelling and tears from both parties. And what’s worse? HE WON’T GET OUT OF HER GODDAMN CAR!!!

 

He’s just sitting there, back slouched, alternating between running his fingers through his shaggy hair leading to it sticking out in 500 different directions, and rubbing his hands over and over until they’re pink and raw (a nervous tick he has had since they were kids).

 

He has this sulking look on his face. If anyone looked at him, they would think he just found out that his goddamn dog died. She’s about to ask him to kindly leave when out of nowhere, Scott just begins to sob.

 

She’s never heard sounds like this coming out of his mouth before. It’s as if he has lost complete control of his own body. She actually doesn’t know how to respond to this outburst. For the first time in her life, she is perplexed by Scott Moir.

 

While she just stares at him in confusion, and slightly fearful, she hears him trying to speak. But he can barely get a single word out without stuttering.

 

“I- I- I’m s- s- s- s- orry eeeh-“ he almost pants between breaths.

 

“I f- f- ucked up p p p” he manages to get out once again.

 

And then all of a sudden, he’s yelling “I CAN’T LOSE YOU TESS”

 

He’s completely lost control. He’s panting, trying to catch his breaths in between his sobs. And it’s only then that Tessa realizes that he’s having a full-blown panic attack. She can practically see the blood running up to his head, his cheeks turning a fiery red, and his pupils gone wild. He is literally shaking in his seat.

 

It is in this moment that she surges for him. She practically yanks him out of the position he’s currently in, so she can grab him. She has him almost in a headlock as she tucks his head awkwardly on her chest over the glove compartment in between them, cradling his head like a baby as he rocks in her arms.

 

She doesn’t know how long they stay like this. All she knows is that she runs her hands through his hair, and softly whispers in his ear that he will never lose her, that she will always care for him, and that no matter what they go through she will always love him.

 

She does find it ironic though, that she’s the one comforting him during this time in her life. As if she wasn’t the one who sliced her legs open for him, bled for him so they can skate together. She can’t help but feel their roles should be reversed at the moment.

 

It’s at this moment that she pays attention to what’s playing lowly on the radio, and she can’t help but start laughing at the entire thing. Because low and behold, she can hear the soothing voice of the King of Rock and Roll himself, singing about always loving and supporting some person in his life.

 

She swears sometimes her life comes right out of a fucking Hollywood movie. Only these two would be lucky enough have Elvis fucking Presley serenating them a song that mirrors their goddamn partnership as a whole. She couldn’t make this shit up even if she tried.

 

And it is then that Scott begins to calm down. She can physically feel him relax under her touch, and his breathing starts to regulate, although he is still shaking.

 

It is in this moment that she realizes she is promising him a lifetime of support and love, no matter how hard the times may be. She hopes she is strong enough to follow through.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_2014 - And you’re lonesome for a friend…_

She finds him at Molly Blooms… again.

 

She got the phone call from one of his brother’s. It’s the third call she’s gotten in two months with the same story: “Scott’s at Molly’s,” “I’m at work,” and “we don’t want to worry mom.” So, this is how she finds herself in the parking lot of the familiar bar, at 1:45 am.

 

She walks into the dimly lit bar and can’t help but suppress a gag. The smell of cheap liquor and regret lingers in the thick air. The heavy smell of cigarette smoke doesn’t help either. And she shudders when she looks around and see the bar is practically empty, except for a couple of bar regulars (she also feels sick knowing that she knows who regulars are).

 

She sees him sitting in the corner, staring down at his drink as if it has personally offended him in some way. She treads lightly towards, giving a half smile to the man behind the bar, and sits on the stool next to him while putting an arm on his shoulder.

 

“What are you doing here, Scott?” she asks in almost a whisper. There’s no indication of annoyance or frustration in her tone, just fatigue and fear.

 

He doesn’t answer her. He just keeps staring down, ringing his hands in his lap. She won’t force him to talk. Not when he isn’t ready. But these late-night visits are started to get old. She doesn’t know how to keep explaining to Ryan where she’s going in the middle of the night. Not that she cares much about explaining herself to him. If she’s being honest, sometimes she’s grateful when she gets that late-night ring. It gives her an excuse to leave the suffocating bed of the man who just doesn’t feel right lying next to her.

 

It feels like ages before anything happens. But suddenly, she feels a heavy weight on her shoulder, and his shaggy hair practically lands in her mouth as he seeks some sort of comfort. She then takes his hand, locks them together in their special handhold, and rests them together on her lap as she rubs her thumb soothingly along the smooth skin of his hand.

 

“You know I’m here for you right?” she starts, while kissing the top of his head. “You don’t have to go through this on your own, but Scott you’re scaring me lately.”

 

He doesn’t respond again but sighs heavily in acknowledgment. They stay in silence for a while longer, just basking in each other’s company. There have been so many times when she came to this bar, practically dragging him out by his ears, only to begin yelling at him once they were in the confines of her car or her apartment. But she doesn’t want to yell anymore. She doesn’t want to be mad. She just wants her best friend back.

 

As they continue to comfort each other, she can hear from the corner of the bar someone beginning to play a song on the old-fashioned jukebox. The familiar hum of THAT song begins to play. It is in that moment she feels Scott tighten his grip on her hand in acknowledgment and feels wet droplets on her pants. She knows he is crying.

 

He’s her best friend. She will always stand by him.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

_2016 - Within my arms you’ll come to know…_

She hasn’t seen him in days.

 

She knows he’s going through a hard time right now. Not only had he recently lost one of his long-time friends only a few months ago, he just got back to town 3 days ago from his grandfather’s funeral.

 

She went to the funeral as well. She stood by his side the entire day, alternating between holding his hand, stroking his back, and coaxing him to private areas of the venue to cry it out. She would hold him while he sobbed, hugging him chest to chest, sinking their heartbeats. It had been one of the hardest times of their lives, but they’ve never felt more connected.

 

But she had to come to back to Montreal earlier for a photoshoot, and since she’s been home she hasn’t heard from him. He’s been doing a lot better since after Sochi. He has stopped drinking, re-connected with his brothers, and continues to see his therapist twice a month to talk through anything that might be stressing him in his life.

 

She’s still worried though, and this is why she’s currently standing outside his condo with his spare key in her hand (they exchanged keys when they moved to Montreal because they’re co-dependent like that). She quietly opens his front door, only to be immersed in complete darkness. She takes off her shoes and walks through the hall. There is no sign of life in this apartment, and her heartbeat starts to quicken. As she walks towards his bedroom, his door is cracked slightly open, and she sees him lying in bed, back towards her. It is then that she hears the light sobs escaping his lips.

 

She removes her jacket and makes her way to the bed. She crawls up behind him, pressing her chest to his back, the big spoon to his little one. As soon as she makes contact he begins to shake, unable to control the emotions spurring from his body. She just holds him as tight as she can.

 

“Sssshhhhh…” she coaxes. “I’m here Scott… I’m always here… Just breath for me Scott” she whispers in his ear.

 

She pulls out her phone from her pocket and scrolls through her playlist to find that song. Once she finds it, she places her phone on low next to his head and allows him to bask in the words Mr. Presley sings. A song about eternal love. A song about being by his side.

 

She hears him say “I love you Tess…”

 

And then she feels his body go limp, and he falls asleep to the soothing voice of Elvis.

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

She’s brought back to the present by someone accidentally knocking her chair as they walk past her, and she looks back out to Scott and Jackie, who are still immersed in each other.

 

When she looks at them she can’t help but feel the hurt boil within. She realizes it will always be like this. She will always be the one to support him until he finds someone new. And once that falls apart, he will be a mess until she finds her way back to him.

 

She doesn’t know if she can do that anymore. She can’t help the fatigue that seeps within when she realizes this will be a pattern until the day she dies. She loves this man, and she always will. They have spent 21 years together side by side. But she doesn’t know if she can be the wall that supports him any longer. She doesn’t know if she’s strong enough.

 

She is getting up from her seat as the final notes of the song begins to play, and she thinks he’s so drawn into Jackie that we won’t even notice her. But as she looks towards him one more time, he’s looking at her over Jackie’s shoulder, eyes glassed.

 

_Within my arms you’ll come to know_

_Other loves may come and go_

_But my love for you will be eternally_

_Look around and you will see_

_There’s always me_

There’s a knowing look in his eyes when they make eye contact, and she can see his heart shatter when she looks back, shaking her head slightly back and forth, before walking out of the venue with a single tear falling down her cheek.

 

She knows in her heart that in this moment, this is the last time she will hear that song.

 

And if she’s honest, it’s almost liberating.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry?? 
> 
> come yell at me in the comments if you want... or don’t


End file.
